in times of trouble

A few weeks back the Contraption Captain and I are bicycling home and considering the evening ahead. It involves transporting Pele to soccer practice which is not our total favorite job. “Well” I said  of soccer practice, after we worked out the logistics, “it’s cheaper than therapy.” I had never put it that way before but I knew all of a sudden and absolutely that they were true. Pele’s therapy, for much of what ails her, is playing soccer. She loves the discipline.  She loves toying with the ball and faking out her opponent.  When she’s frustrated she likes to boot the ball as hard as she can over and over until she feels better. In some broad general way, practicing soccer and playing in soccer games makes her truly happy and contented. It doesn't solve problems specifically but a good practice puts her world and it's trials and triumphs into a useful perspective.

Fast forward to yesterday. I had a good day at work, I felt very productive. I solved a few problems. I met with someone who intimidates me and the meeting was productive and I’m looking forward to the work we will do together. And in a small corner of my mind, and my screen, I watched the drama unfold at the Boston marathon. I watched but mostly I worked and did not think too much about the city whose streets I had haunted as an unhappy kid.

At the end of the day I put on my helmet and my bright yellow jacket and got my bicycle and headed outside. The weather was cold and bright and sunny and very very windy. Windy enough that I struggled at times to keep my bicycle in the bike lane. Windy enough that I had extra anxiety when I was taking the lane because my bicycle was weaving more than usual and I was afraid some desperate car would pass too close and hit me.

I bicycle along, fighting the wind, and I’m somewhat under-dressed because it’s cold and all of this occupies most of my cpu cycles. But there are always a few left over. These few cycles slowly start to spin up and in this somehow safe and quiet place of bicycling home I think about being a runner, I think about bombs and Syria and mailboxes. I think about races I’ve run and the time Pele and Rapunzel were waiting for me at the finish line, how good it was to see them smiling and proud of me.

I meet up with my husband and we pedal on together and finally I see what has been there all day. I am deeply saddened by the events in Boston. If you had asked me earlier what I thought I would have said “so sad” or “so terrible” but it is only after I’ve ridden for awhile that I feel the sorrow in a real way. I guess this is because while Pele’s therapy is soccer, mine happens to be bicycling.

So to people in different states and different countries, runners or pedestrians or bicyclists. I hope you find something that brings you peace when you find yourself in times of trouble.