Contraption Captain and I are pedaling in to the office. I am pulling a now empty child trailer after having dropped Rapunzel off at the care-before-school-place-for-working-parents-I-don't-like-it-but-oh-well. We are on the Alameda approaching the big intersection of Alameda and Sand Hill Road. We are not in a bike lane, there is no bike lane here although there are several helpful signs saying "SHARE THE ROAD" that the automobiles universally ignore. Ahead of us is a bank of red lights with cars waiting. Ahead of us also is an intersection where we need to make a left, and so we need to get over to the two lanes on the left that are for people making a left turn who do not want to be eviscerated.
We stick out our arms to signal. No car is close and up ahead, red light right? So yay. Nothing to see here, just two bicyclists crossing very briefly in front of you. Car sees us signal.
Thoughtbubble over car's windshield looks like this: OMFG. I may have to slow down. I may briefly be stuck behind a...a...*sob* a bicycle.
2nd Thoughtbubble over car's windshield follows quickly: It is not too late. If I floor it I can avoid this terrible thing.
I shriek a little as Contraption Captain has headed to the left but he's a smart guy and he gets out of the way as the car careens past. We again try to move to the left. Contraption Captain gestures a little with his hand in the air, nothing fancy just a kind of "Why?"
I see the driver. She has big dark 80s hair and a tight little smirk that says "I had plastic surgery. You did not."
I am unamused that this dumb ugly smiling broad has behaved like a goddamned zero, that she has threatened my husband. Empty wagon in tow I pedal along until we are both at the red light that she had to get to in such a hurry. I notice that her moon roof is up and tilted. Now we are both waiting at a red light. For this it was worth it to kill me? To kill my man? Really???
I have a deep powerful voice so when I take a breath and bellow "FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" the windows of her car tremble. Her tight Captain Kirk smirk does not change. The light turns green and I ride away.