Thursday, January 31, 2013

how many ants does it take to scare an anteater?

You know how they say that if a dog eats a chicken he gets a taste for chicken and then has to be killed?

I give you bicyclists with a taste for motorist.  Hope no one ends up getting put down.  

No this was not me.  I'm far too anti-social to go riding with those giant groups of roadies.  Okay and also too slow.  Fine.  Too incompetent as well.  This means that if some car gets pissed at me and threatens to repeatedly punch me in the face and smash my phone I will not be safely ensconced in a group of forty-nine other bicyclists ready to jump to my assistance. 

So I have developed The Plan. 

The Plan is that if an angry driver comes after me with his car I will quickly jump off my beloved bicycle (her name is Chrysanthemum because she is a special flower) and throw my bicycle under the vehicle.  Then I will collapse to the ground moaning and crying and discreetly noting down the license plate number and calling the police.  


  1. The problem with The Plan is that angry drivers are "ambush predators" and you'll only recollect your plan after the scum is well past. At least that has always been my own experience, though I actually practice noting license plate numbers. Surprise is a powerful thing that works against us in these cases.

    1. In my one instance of being chased by an angry driver I folded like a cheap suit, biking hard for Contraption Captain's workplace and disappearing into the building (with bike) and refusing to come out for an hour.

      Oh well.